Musings from Pipedreamer

                                                                                                                                                1-5-2013
   Welcome to my Island! My own little corner of the Internet if you will. This is my first attempt at a blog. We are five days into the new year and this is part of my "out of the box, try something new," this year.No, it's not a New Years resolution. I've never made any that I can remember, that ever in my 68 years, didn't get broken before the first month was over.
    I am learning as I go, under the instruction of my youngest daughter. She has a hard task ahead of her; I am a slow learner. But she's helping me with this while I help her with knitting and crochet.
   I am hoping this will also be a good therapy for me, maybe I can help someone, somewhere, somehow by my experiences. Help them to have faith in themselves, and know that they can dig deep within and find strength to over come and keep going.
    Several months ago, I became sick. I thought I was going to die! I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew something was terribly wrong! I didn't want to eat anything, nor drink anything. The butterflies were doing a stomp dance constantly in my stomach, and I couldn't sleep. I was doing sleep deprivation big time! After almost a month of this I finally went to the doctor. (Oops did I forget to mention I really won't go to a doctor unless I absolutely have to!)
     Anyhow, I found out I wasn't going to die. I was suffering from severe anxiety. My mind was causing all my problems. So the doctor put me on pills. Once a day, 1 milligram to be taken in the evening. (Did I also forget to tell you I don't like to take any kinds of meds.)
    That evening I took my first pill. In less than 15 minutes I was slightly dizzy. Another 10, and I was sound asleep on the couch. When I did wake up It was like I was drunk and I don't drink at all. I slept all night and was spacey all the next day. I called the doctor and ask him if I could cut the pill in half. Take half in the morning and half at night. So with his okee-dokee. I got better. What he didn't tell me, until two weeks later on a follow up visit, was that these tiny pills were one of the worst habit forming drugs and really tough to get off of.
     Three weeks ago, I decided  I wanted to get off them. The doctor told me that I couldn't quit cold turkey, so I started to taper them off. I took only one 1/2 pill in the evenings. Two weeks of that and I had planed on phasing it out to one 1/2 pill every other night, but I forgot to take them. It's been a week. I've been okay, just a slight flutter in my stomach once in awhile. Well last night... at 2:00am  I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Iv been suffering from the flutters, nightmares,  etc. who knew that even after a week these little buggers are still chugging around in my body. Good news is that I haven't taken any more of them despite last night.